Balancing family and career

When I started this blog, I did not imagine to stop posting one day. The thing is even when I am not writing, as I spend the time observe little things that happen around me, thoughts swirl in my head and in a way, sentences are formed in my mind.

I think each of us at some points need to find a way to focus on the present and to meditate when you feel overwhelmed, happy, sad, frustrated, excited, stress, burned out or even when like I am now, reaching a crisis, a boiling point. What I meant by reaching a crisis is my effort in trying hard to find a new purpose in my life. I feel many time torn by that feeling. It is because I am Vietnamese living in Europe, where I came from, people have to worry about whether they have food on the daily basis, so it is an unimaginable and laughable thing for one to say one is going through a crisis to look for a purpose in life. Depression would be a luxury illness. Perhaps writing aside from cooking is a form of meditation for me, I always feel happier after putting my thoughts down and in this digital age, it just makes things a little less romantic, less painful but nonetheless effective for me.

As I said, it did not occur to me that I would not write for so long but it did. I have a good reason for it though and you may have guessed as well, I became a mom. The journey of becoming mom was not a smooth sail, it was quite a storm causing so much damages which has been hard to fix. I don’t know if there are other disaster but let’s say when you are used at sailing, you learn to predict the weather. All these times not writing, I am busy learning to predict the weather.

The last six years, I have tried to take care of a kid. It is like I got a new job without having a job description, not knowing exactly what I have to do. I of course like many new moms, look for answer in parenting books. We all want the best for our children, we all want that we succeed in this job, we all want that our children become responsible and kind but at the same time assertive, know what they want in life. There have been many times I am failing but my kid pulled me up and I forgot my failures. The effort I make into preparing homemade baby food instead of buying jars because I love food, I’d like that my son would one day grow up and know what real food is. All that goes down the drain because now that he is six years old (almost 7 years) when I open a book with pictures of vegetables and fruits and ask him what is the difference, he would answer ” Vegetables are not tasty” :-). I have to be content that he is eating a lot of fruits, especially apples and he does not eat candies or drink too much sugary drinks but other than that, all my son eats is pasta, plain rice-nothing on the rice, occasionally some Vietnamese stuff that my mom made, A LOT of breads, in particular a good French baguette…but nothing green, no meat, no fish please!

I also learned that all those idea and expectation I had before having a kid or even when he was still a baby like I would love that he plays a music instrument, he loves sports, he is adventurous…, I found out that my kid is everything but the opposite :-). He doesn’t like to take risks, he is cautious of anything new to him, there is nothing sporty about him 🙂 but that is probably a topic on its own. However, he is sensitive, loving and is very much aware of other people feeling. He is a responsible, loving, sweet kid! Those are rare quality that we can find nowadays, in this self absorbed world. I guess I can be proud about that!

Another thing I find very hard about parenting is trying to find the balance in making your kids conscious about problems in the world so that they don’t become unmindful and too self-centered, and at the same time, giving them all the experiences that I wish I had when I was a kid. Furthermore, raising a kid in a mixed culture household where the focus for me is to bring the Vietnamese culture to my son can be perceived as too rigid, I don’t want that of course, I am trying to find a balance where my kid has no fear to tell me all he wants to share but that he is mindful in all that he does. Can anyone relate? 🙂 It is like a dilemma! The result is he is not fluent in Vietnamese, my fear has become a reality. I only hope once he visits Vietnam, he will be able to pick it up a bit more.

Today, though, I ponder on the fact not only I juggle with my role being a mom, a household manager and my role at work, a full time employee. I was much more ambitious, wanted to grow career wise when I was younger, I was much more open for opportunities, open to new challenges…As the years passed and as I grew a bit older, a bit more mature, I settle with the idea of having a good stable job for financial sustainability, my independence or my freedom as I’d like to see it. Perhaps, this is what is missing for me, this dream chasing like when I was younger, this enthusiasm, thirst for adventures- not on the journey of travelling discovery but more soul searching, finding what it is that I am passionate about. What my younger self would tell me now? Would she tell me to be careful not to spoil it all? that I am having now is what she wanted? my own family and a stable job? What if I tell her but it is not all, there should be more in life. This past year, I met people or read stories about strong women who inspire me. I envy people who find their passion and pursuit it. Often I can see their satisfaction, the joy when they share their stories, the glow of accomplishment on their face is infectious! If only I know what my passion is :-). Don’t get me wrong though, being a parent is such an unique experience that one could have, I enjoy the endless love that my kid pours on me. What brings me joy is the smile on my son face or when I cook something for him, he eats with eagerness. However, I also like to think that when my kid is ready to fly, I don’t want to be left without anything to do and sit and look forward to his visits. I want to prepare myself to live my life fully and having a kid contributing to that, it should not stop there.

For that reason, I am giving myself a booster, starting a year with a wish that I have time to pay a bit more attention to myself, for my health, both physically and mental wellness. Only when I am happy, my family can benefit from the energy that I am giving in.

As a conclusion or an opening to a new chapter (depending on how I look at this), this year will start with many more stories in writing, healthier habits, relive yoga…lots and lots of green smoothies! To parenthood and beyond :-).

News

I guess you all know and have met Ernest except for very few of you :-).

Motherhood? I have become a total ” Maman poule” like the French says 🙂 the last two months, Ernest has grown so quickly, he becomes a toddler and a real boy. The first two months were very hard for me but that is something I would like to put behind at the moment and I want to savour my new role.

It is such a strange feeling to be parents, I think none has succeeded to describe what it feels like that moment when your kid looks at you smiling knowing you are his mom or when he or she feels uncomfortable and cries and you wish you can be in his place and take that pain for him instead. It is such a strong feeling of sacrificing that in my opinion, you would never do for anyone else. It is a form of love that you only give without expecting anything in return. They give love back in any cases, I feel so much joy inside when at 4 or 5am Ernest wakes up to get his bottle, he grasps my face and pulls it closer to him with his ten little fingers. I can smell the sweetness of his breath and he smiles showing his two little white teeth…Awe, heart melting moment guaranteed.

It is not wrong to say when I decide to become parent, I am barely prepared to give up movie nights, quiet reading time, travel when I have time, go out for a dinner or drinks with friends or simply just eat a meal or get a full night sleep :-). It has been a year since I take a flight somewhere. I miss being in a new place, enjoy local food, walk around a city…I also miss going to movies…but in return, I have Ernest’s sweet love. I enjoy him being sticky to me because I know he loves me too much to not be with me ;-). I am looking forward to show Ernest the world and I hope I can at least travel with him a few times before he decides to do that with a girl instead :-(!

Apart from coping with parenting, I am going to make an effort to cook and take my art class more seriously :-). I will try to post what I cook once a week. It is important for a child’s happiness to have family meals, so that is my first step to bring happiness closer to mon petit ange! Nothing better than the love for good food and family. Ernest’s happiness is my ultimate goal now.

The last trimester

Here I am since last Jun when I found out I was going to have a baby. I am now at week 33 and according to the website that I am reading each week, he is now about the size of a pineapple :-). Our rendezvous is getting close.

Shrimp doesn’t kick much now, he has instead opting to squirm non-stop, I guess he is trying to find a comfortable position for himself (as I am as well) now that he is growing fast.

Physically, I am feeling a lot more tired, it is not only the back pain and the leg cramps in the middle of the night that bother me, it is my big belly that starts getting in the way, tiding shoes laces, washing dishes…I am slow and imbalance, have fallen two times so far in this trimester even though I was wearing flat shoes. I waddle around like a fat duck. I certainly am aware that these are part of the experience but they drive me mad, that vulnerable, weak and overly sensitive feeling about everything.

My mind, well, is another story. Before I was pregnant, I thought I did not need much or there wasn’t much to be worried about. Well, all I think now about is what else to get for shrimp, how can I balance out between spoiling my kid and providing him what is necessary for him. I spend my sleepless nights thinking if I could breastfeed him, if I will be able to manage a job and a kid, I clearly need to be financially comfortable to send him to a school where he will be happy but it will also prepare him for a good start in life, what kind of home do I want for us, where do we move to so he can have as much fun indoor as outdoor, what kind of activity we could do together, what type of animal he would ask for to have as a pet…Will I be a good mom? Will he be a happy kid? so many questions with unknown answer. It is a race of thoughts until I am exhausted enough to fall into a deep sleep, dreaming of what would be like my life with the little shrimp.

Like people say, becoming parents change us. It is much more true for moms, in my opinions. In a certain way, it makes you feel stronger even in the solitude of it, at least it has been the case for me. I have lived this pregnancy and nesting experience very much on my own since the day I saw the positive pregnancy test, going to the information class alone, asking friends who are parents what paperwork I need to do, buying stuff for baby, preparing the nursing room, go to doctor appointments…I remember the evening where I went for that information evening alone while other couples happily hold hand asking questions and me being there on my own or when the doctor asked occasionally if my partner was at an ultrasound, I lied that he traveled a lot for work or when after a working day, my back ached and all I needed was to lay down and have someone rub my back but instead I hurried to prepare something to eat before I got too hungry that I would faint or at night laying in bed alone worrying something could happen and have no one to turn to… I feel sorry for myself and maybe a slight regret of deciding to have a baby with someone who might not at all be ready for it and that leads to a tremendous sadness that I think I will never forget and the experience will forever engrave in my brain.

Perhaps I expect too much or I have idealized the idea of having a kid with someone you love for fifteen years…Anyway, so I now settle for what is deemed to be fair and acceptable in my eyes, I avoid to argue, I withdraw myself into what is good for me and shrimp and ignore the rest. I guess that the advantage of becoming mom, you shake off that feeling of fear, of solitude, focus on your baby instead. I should have learned my lessons but sometimes you want to paint a beautiful sand painting, only to let the wind blow it because beautiful thing will not last forever, we will have to accept it.

Shrimp and I in Paris

I hope because I am on a constant move since it became safer to travel that shrimp might be interested in seeing the world of his own later LOL.

After Porto and Copenhagen last month, this month, we are setting out for Paris, my most favorite city in Europe so far.

I always love Paris before Xmas, all the beautiful decorations and although I don’t like crowd, I still love going to the gourmet section of La Fayette, just to sit, have wines (okey this time more like coffee and cake) and look at people  busy shopping for Xmas gifts or food. It is not the same after the recent sad events, so many young people lost their live. So, we visited the Opera instead, taking advantages of the less crowded tourist. It is so beautiful and the stories are fascinating.

Grilled pork belly in Korean resto

Breakfast in Paris-ooh that baguette

Opera

The male brain

I was reading a book that I borrowed from a colleague at work, the male brain. In fact, there is also a book of the female brain but as I will have a boy, I decided that it was time to read it.

Many friends tell me ‘oh, you will see it is a life changing experience’. I guess when you become first time parents, while I felt like I was prepared to have kids, I realize how unprepared I am, it is an overwhelming experience. When we don’t have children, we say when we  do have them, we will do this and that…I think as human, we thrive to learn from our experience and progress. I mean, the thing that you experienced as a child that you did not like, as parents, you want to avoid that to happen to your kids or the stuff you did not have as a kid, you would do all you could to give them but you have to make sure within a certain boundaries and considerations. The goal is, or at least for me, that your baby is happy.

I read a book not long ago about tiger parents, how parents push their children to perform, to be the best…to certain extend, we even have parents who do homework for their children or call in sick for them to stay home because they were stress. It makes me feel how stressful nowadays to be parents. My mom worked hard so she could pay the school, that seemed to me like the only important task. I and my sister did not play with dolls (in fact, I hate them), we spent our time on books, magazines or play ‘real’ stuff- sending a team of minions home to take some ingredients and started cooking my grandma’s pancakes in the little street next to my house. That of course made my neighbors very angry LOL. My grandfather gave me some real butt bruises but I had a very happy childhood. I did not have all those fancy extra activities after school, like swimming, painting, singing or playing an instruments…We were more concerned about what type of dishes that grandma cooked at lunch or dinner.

There is no manual on how to be good parents, unfortunately, I just hope shrimp loves food, loves to read, be curious, respect others, be modest, be responsible and have compassion for others who are less fortunate than him.

So the male brain, apparently, baby boy is so worked up that when they cry, it is very difficult to sooth them. Baby boy also have less contact with parents than girls because the male brain makes them attracted to moving subjects. Squirming boys also learn faster because boys learn by moving..etc They don’t sit still. What’s else? Hmm, well, at some points, they will start touch their penis in public and as parents there is nothing you can do to stop that (hmm). As I read further, I realize how complicated a male brain work, it is not as simple as we, female think Hahaha.

Anyway, I have been busy with preparing room for shrimp, I don’t plan on having sleeping alone but I still want to prepare a room in case during the day he would sleep in his cot while I could still have the energy to do something else around the house. I feel like it will be a bit hard to keep my eyes off him already. Aawww

Shrimp room-monkey 😉

The mobile for the bed has leave that move, soothing light and different modes of music. Apparently, it helps the development of the auditory of babies :-). I also bought the same theme play mat gym LOL.

 

 

 

Funny stories of shrimp

This is shrimp at 20 weeks :-).

When I sent this scan picture to my baby sister in Vancouver, she texted back to tell me “oh, my nephew is so handsome’ :-).

Shrimp has moved a lot since then, kicking when he is hungry (yeah :-)). I keep track of his development and read each week the progress of pregnancy, apparently, now (25 weeks) he can distinguish my voice and react to it.

As my tummy grows, some of my lovely friends said ‘the elegant belly’ but I do feel expanded and heavier. After a meal, it feels as if the tummy is about to explode and sleeping has become a bit complicated :-(.

When I went for the ultrasound and the doctor showed me shrimp’s penis, I couldn’t help but bursted ‘huh, so big?’ LOL. I told my girlfriends and the reactions “oh, that’s good. Big is better than small LOL and you don’t want girls to make fun of your baby, you want them to be happy with him, heh’. Dear lord, I never thought of it like that.

The girls asked me ‘so do you talk to him now?”, I said ‘yes’. ‘What do you tell him?’ I laughed and said I told shrimp “Stop doing kungfu and go to to your corner”, that made them laugh like nuts.

I could feel that this little one is not born but when he finally comes out, he will be loved and spoiled so much by everyone but what can I say, my little prince and I already love him dearly.

 

I and shrimp in Porto

Porto was a planned trip for me to enjoy port wine 🙂 and to celebrate birthday with one of my friends who also had birthday in Oct but turned out to be A LOT baby clothing shopping instead.

It was the first time shrimp went on the plane ;-), I think he was excited given the fact that he kicked me fiercely for the two hours we were in the air.

I have been told that having kid changes our life. I don’t know how I will be as a mom but so far, it already changes a bit of my daily pattern, my sleep has already been disrupted, my mood swings tremendously, a few months ago, after a long stressful day from work, I would pour a nice glass of wine or whatever drink it was to enjoy and then start preparing food. Now, after a long day of work, I just want to go straight to bed to catch up with my lack of sleep :-). The same goes for travel, aside from trying to sightseeing, I can’t always enjoy the local foods as I want, certain cheeses and food are not allowed and of course, while I feel happy to pass a my glass of wine to my friend, I still feel a bit disappointed.

Porto is a lovely city to visit for a long weekend. It is a bit hilly, up and down, so it contribute to a slow mild exercise for me :-). I couldn’t taste but I still visited the port wine maker (Oh, yeah, I can’t drink but nobody can stop me on getting to know how port wine is made :-)).

I hope one day, I will be able to travel with shrimp and that he would not mind having his mama with him :-).

View from catheral

Neighbor chatting

Transport of port wine

Tasting

Shrimp’s first jacket

Nice wine bar

View from harbour

Awe, hope shrimp fits this outfit 😉

Same same but different…My new adventure

I wanted to type my thoughts down, writing on an actual notebook is causing my wrist some pain, so I give that a rest today. I remember three years ago when I and my best friend Sofia prepared for our unforgettable trekking trip to Nepal, we were advised and tried to organize and prepare for it because not only for us the destination was foreign but also we were venturing into something sounded scary and dangerous, the Himalaya region with altitude sickness…etc. In the end, we had a good time and the beautiful memory encrypted on my mind. I am very glad I did that.

Well, now, I am on a journey that is for me much more exciting and no matter how I have felt prepared for, I don’t feel ready for it. I still am anxious, scared and from time to time rather lonely. That is the journey of motherhood. Before getting pregnant, I only heard stories of how fun and nice it is when you are pregnant, the hormones make your skin and hair look beautiful, people being nice to you… The internet and everywhere else only show pictures of women with big smile, white bright teeth with a beautiful baby bump. No where have I seen they show a woman cries and laughs within 2mins and nobody talks about how frustrated can one feel when you have no ideas what is happening inside your body!

Yes, becoming a mom is the most beautiful gift, in my opinions, that a woman can have and I try to embrace that experience with joy and laughter. The truth is that comes with a lot of unrest of the mind. They say a woman becomes a mother when she is pregnant but a man only becomes a father at the birth of his child. So, the whole nine months, it probably is much stressful for a woman and I think when a woman who has a man that is attentive, loving and caring, that is surely a man you want to keep.

As a mom, I think you will worry for your child from the moment you know you are carrying life in your body until the day you die. At least, since I know I have my little shrimp, I worry ;-). Worrying has always been in my nature but like many things else they become much more intense. Sometimes, worries transform into weird dreams, some sweet, some scary. The other night, I dreamed I was giving birth to a monkey, I remember so vividly my grandma was with me and told me to embrace it and I said ‘No, it is so scary, what do I do with it?’ ;-). Then, there are moments I wonder if in fact there is the little shrimp or getting fat is one of my scary nightmares? 😉 Worrying about how to be a mom, how to raise the little shrimp up or will he become a good friend or a pain in the butt later.

Don’t let all that talk puts you off ;-). Moment like yesterday when I had my second ultrasound, when I could see and hear my little shrimp’s heartbeat, strong and fast, or looked at the flexible position he puts himself in on the sonogram and laughed, I already thought of moment I could hold that little human in my arms. First thing first though and that is I am promised perhaps next week or the week after, I could start feeling he moves. How exciting!

Until then…

Raleigh, North Carolina

After being stranded and ended up in what my colleague called a ‘love nest of our honeymoon’ – which by the way was a joke because that hotel was a dump, I could not sleep because I was so afraid to get bedbug running all over me (Yuck!!). We paid 140 for the night each of us and when I checked the price online, the rate was about 100 dollars, my colleague joked he did not care, it worth ed the price LOL. We finally made it to Raleigh two days ago very late at night. So, we have a month here to explore ;-).

Our company’s apartment is very nice, big kitchen, everything is neat and clean. We have not had time to explore following the last events but we did grocery shopping and I discovered America’s obsession with Belgium ;-). There are a lot of local brewers in this part of America and we have to admit that the beers aren’t bad at all. We came crossed beers with brand like “New Belgium’ -which we did not try, for me, there is no new Belgium, only one Belgium, s’il vous plait! However, it seems like there is a need to put something on the packaging related to the brewing of Belgian’s style and therefore the price is also boasted. I am glad because we still can drink reasonably good beers here, we are planning to go to a pub that has more than 300 beers in coming days and I will surely post an update on that.

Other than that, I have been cooking at the flat, I used a lot of local ingredients, simple but nonetheless delicious and certainly, my colleague has been very grateful that he even asked ‘Do you cook delicious food like this every day?’ ;-). It is the first time that I share a flat with someone and so far so good, in a way, if you get along well (is the case for the moment), it brings you closer to the person and so a colleague becomes a friend. Raleigh is a small town, there are plenty of parks near by, I can access many places near by on foot, which is very nice. Yesterday, we went for a walk after work in one of the park (Umstead, NC) but it got dark just right after we started walking for 15 mins or so and I did not want to get stuck in the middle of the forest because the park’s closing time is at dusk. We saw a few deers, that was awesome! I saw the full moon shining above the dead trees of the forest and the stars…hmm. On the way back because I did not wear my glasses, there was a sign at the start of the trail which looked to me like a big dog but my brain went ‘Oh but there is no dog’ so I shrieked “What’s that?” and realised at the same time that it was a sign but Laurent-my colleague already rolled laughing at me. We had a good laugh!

This weekend we are driving to Ashville for a hiking weekend, I look forward to some great landscape and highland beers! Apparently, Ashville is famous for that.

Stranded in New York

Been a while since I last posted anything here, that was because last year, I did not travel to places as I wanted. I did go to France and Turkey and I did have some funny stories to tell but it would be for another time.

I am in Raleigh, North Carolina at the moment but the travel to get here was so horrid. Together with a colleague, we waited for our connection to Raleigh in New York for 6 hours only for the Delta Airlines staff to announce that the flight would be cancelled. The worse part was that they did not provide proper assistance, we had our flight re-booked for the next day, no hotel recommendation, no compensation meals, no transportation in between airports, only peanuts and water-which at the end, my colleague was so disgusted that he could not look at the peanuts LOL.

But in bad time, there was always good things, we ended up having a whole day in New York, walking around, saw my aunt and were invited for Xian’s noodles and desserts at the Sofitel where DSK got caught (I had to point it out because  my aunt kept insisting ;-)). Here are some photos.